Wsup

Hola from the library on a Friday night. This weekend will be spent right here in this lovely wooden cubicle with my 4 giant binders full of the material still to be learned for next week's 6 thats right SIX finals. I am about to finish what has been my most difficult academic 10 weeks of my life and it can't come any sooner. But through it all, I gotta say:

"I feel so lucky to be where I right where I am."

Lately, outside of the obvious stress that I occasionally subcumb to, I have felt more and more extreme-delirious-giddy happiness that will literally well up out of my being as I think about my life from last year to this. I just celebrated my 29th birthday two days ago, and so naturally I took a moment to appreciate the obvious differences that have occurred since last February 18th till this one.

Lets enumerate:

Usually I am financially responsible to a fault, but for the first time, I made a huge emotional non financially sound decision, quit my job and have wracked up lots of paper IOUs. DO NOT REGRET. I now live on way way less sleep and way way more coffee and drive way way more than I ever have in the past. Whereas in the past, staying home and relaxing on Friday night was not something high on my agenda, now it is part of my "getting crazy and not studying" rebellion. But these physical changes can't begin to compare to the emotional changes I have felt inside. I feel such a passion for the career that I am going to embark on that it scares me. I am still like a new born babe full of sunshine and flowers. I know it will be hard and I know there is a lot of BS in medicine and the system we have set up in this country, but screw it I don't care.

I am damn excited to get out there. Clinical rotations start in 3 months...think of the cool stories I will have then!!

Dang they flashed the lights...the library is kicking me out. How rude.

What day is it?

So in the middle of a manic extreme study weekend but I had to pop in to tell about this dude at the library.

I go to the library at around 10:00 am on today (Saturday). I pack a snack, lunch, and lots of liquids cause I planned to shut this bitch down at 6 pm tonight (which I did).

Pick a table by a plug so I can listen to my tunes all day long with the necessary charging on my iphone (did I mention I got one and I LUVLUVLUV it :). In purusing my fellow library mates, I spot a weirdly dressed dude playing Solitare on his laptop with a half full 2-Liter of Coke and a... wait for it... full gallon of milk sitting beside him on the table. I shit you not, in just over 7 hours, I saw this guy consume both fully all while playing Solitare.

Disturbing while strangely impressive? Ubetchya.

Okay back to my extreme Saturday night studying session while consuming a delicious Blue Moon. I have an exam on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday AM (scheduled before school at 7am so as not to interfere with our 8 hours of class, those aholes) this coming week and am having to dig deep deep deep to not "lose it".

PS, I have totally developed a somewhat painful study injury. First time in my life, I have developed chronic back pain from freaking sitting at a table, classroom, cubicle in library for way to many hours. Biking even hurts it :( boohoo.

Four more weeks till these 9 classes and 27 tests of Q3 are done...may the delirium pass quickly.

January's Post (probs the only one)

Checking in on a rare off night from studying. I just plain don't feel like doing any mostly because I got 2.5 hours of sleep last night and I can't comprehend new knowledge right about now.

This quarter is killing me slowly, one sleepless night at a time.

But on a higher note, my brain feels like it is all starting to come together in a weird medical sort of way where I am doing really really good in school even as the heat gets continually turned up. The biggest problem is with multiple exams a week, my mornings all start in the 4 to 5:00 am range since our tests are at 7 with an hour commute. I am just freaking tired and way over caffeinated.

We are starting to talk about clinical rotations which start in June and frankly, it scares the crap out of me. How will I be ready to walk into a real medical site and make real medical decisions? Last May, I sat in a cube doing computer shiz...this is just going so fast. Watched House tonight and I think I am officially on par with script writing for medical dramas as I knew all the "words comin outa their mouths".

Rode my bike tonight...on a real mountain...still getting better at climbing and it was breathtaking. Did I mention it is sunny and 65 here? Don't hate, I spent 30 hours this weekend in a library. Brain-quad excitation pathways must be a go...cause my muscle workouts have nothing on my brain workouts.

My new opinion? You can learn ANYTHING in one year if you can learn medicine in one year. Stop slacking you 4 year engineering degrees.

Also, my husband, sweet heart that he is sensed that I might be "loosing my mind" what with the studying all weekend and lack of sleep and brought me some pink roses home. I will keep him.

The Grinch

Am I still alive...in a word yes. Back to school for 3 weeks now and we are just getting in some last minute tests before a short holiday break. The holidays won't be quite like normal due to having some major exams the day we return to school on Jan. 4th. Bah humbug.

My Thanksgiving break was awesome and I was very sad to see it end, but I did have a great trip out East, did some fun biking and overall just decompressed a lot. It feels so long ago already.

It hasn't taken me long to recompress however, as this quarter is going to be my hardest to date for sure.

I am currently taking Pharmacology 2, Physiology 2, Microbiology, EKG, Clinical Medicine Labs, Clinical Medicine 2, Women's Health, Preparation for Clinical Practice, and a dumb InterProgram Core Medicine class. Each of these classes have multiple exams except for the last one so I am a little busy to say the least.

Winter in here...it was 75 and sunny this weekend. I know I know, I should miss winter...but I don't so there you have it. I got out for a 1.5 hr ride and it was LOVELY. Due to the weather and the studying, I haven't really found my Christmas cheer yet. Maybe when I ship off to Ohio on Tuesday I will find it in the 2 inches of snow. I have exactly one night to purchase all and I mean ALL of my Christmas presents for my family after my last exam on Monday before flying out on Tuesday.

I am soooo screwed.

Happy Holiday!!!

Soooooo happy.

Finals are done. Seven finals in 6 days...brutal. I am still delirious but 'oh so happy'.

Heading off to grab a brew and listen to some live music.

Hopefully my brain muscle will get a break and my body muscle can take over for two weeks. I am going to ride till I puke tomorrow...it will be awesome.

Close

I can almost taste the dirt and sweat that is awaiting my return to fun outdoor activities following finals this week.

Five days, six tests...let's do this thing. This Friday can't come soon enough.

I promise to post at least one outdoor action shot, maybe even some blood if I get lucky enough to fall off my bike :)

TIREDDDDDzzzzz...Snort..

I am burnt out and sick right now...but there is no rest for me yet. I got up at 4:30 am for a test this morning and am feeling it right now. I have two weeks of school and then finals left in this quarter. This is by far the hardest mental challenge I have ever done. The amount of information I am cramming in is ridiculous...

I worry, how much will I retain? Will I feel like an idiot when I start clinical rotations next June? How am I already almost halfway through the didactic (classes) portion of my education? This seems exceptionally fast.

I have learned how to do a complete physical exam, including and up to a well woman's gynecological exam. We practice on standardized patients, and that was an experience to say the least.

I have a fun finals week coming up with exams Friday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday plus an additional full physical exam on a patient which will fall on one of those days. Sort of makes me want to crawl in a hole, but mostly that is lack of sleep talking and the fact that I want to be in bed with a horrible head cold rather than sitting up studying for 6 hours a night.

Am I whining...maybe just a tiny tiny bit...but sometimes you just need to eat ice cream and cry ya know?

These nerve lesions aren't going to learn themselves so I am need to get back to it. Also damn the heart, it is a complicated crazy little organ that takes a lot of studying to understand. To bad 27% of us will end up dying from it's malfunction.

Need bed...must study.

Is it already nearly October?

Apparently it is almost October. Time flys when you are having fun or stuck in a bubble of "learnens".

Definition of "THE BUBBLE": when life receeds as I sit in the library on a Friday night and only when I get up to leave at 10 pm do I feel tired or hungry or in the need of a work out and only then do I remember that I have an hour drive home to a home and a husband.

My transformation is becoming complete into full on random medicinal fact robot girl. World domination is following shortly behind.

This quarter is pinging along nicely, with many of my classes interweaving each other in order to fully maximize my brain's potential. Pharmacology feeds directly into Physiology which is highlighted by Neurology. Pathology is the bottom line on learning Physical Diagosis and is rounded out by Epidemiology or the study of infectious diseases and how they trend. My final class Pediatrics sort of incorporates all of the above in how child growth and develop and how things can and do go wrong.

As far as work-life balance, I am fully committed to this year as a year off of life so I just fit in whatever I can when I can. Mostly this means gym time but I do get out for one mountain bike ride per week. For whatever reason, I feel like I get better on my bike every time I ride. I still think I am dialing in the whole clipless pedal thing and so my climbing is improving with each ride.

Tom and I had our two year anniversary this week. Two years ago, I was dragging him to 400 foot falls in poring rain storms and we were clinging to the edge of a zodiac raft in 10 foot waves. Good times. Life is quite different now than it was then, but Tom is my rock in a sea of change and we are in everything together. Cheers to being such an awesome husband Tom and to letting me "practice" eye and nose physical exam skills on ya and only yelling "you're blinding me..AHHHH" a couople of times.

Peacenout. Some pics from a lazy Ohio ride with the fam during my last trip home in August.

Today, I shall write.

I will give you two words in which to base your judgement of me: surviving and thriving.

I will give you one word in which to base your judgement of this blog: dead.

It is hard to understand why I am not blogging at all. Part of it is obvious...I don't have a whole lot of extra time. But really it is more than that, because I could jot off a quick blog entry every couple of days or even weekly and it wouldn't take that much time.

I think part of it is the feeling of the unnecessary. I started blogging for three reasons: 1. Boredom...in massive amounts, due to sitting in front of a computer for hours every day while hating it. 2. Because I was making a conscious and very real effort to live my real "non cube" life in exciting ways in which I was was taking lots of cool pictures, pushing myself to learn new things and experience Arizona for all it's glory. 3. I wanted to write as a catharsis for the feelings of unsatisfaction of the career/life path I was on and the exploration of determining what I wanted my new path to be.

These reasons have faded with a new challenge, more intellectually based than adventurous, and a feeling of immense rightness in that direction I am heading. I have still gotten out and explored some cool things, but I haven't been taking as many pictures, and I have felt the need to savor these special rare moments of nature to only myself.

I don't really want the blog to die, because I think it still serves it's purpose and I am proud of the history I have solidified through it. But it may be on hiatus, pending desire to write, because I don't see much point in writing simply to alleviate guilt for not.

Who knows what time will tell?

Also, on an aside, I completed my first quarter of school, passed my classes and got pretty damn good grades in all reality. I am now in a new set of challenging classes, that are much more related to real medicine, diseases, treatment and assessment and I really like it. Time is FLYING and my previous life with computers seems so distant to the bubble I have immersed myself in.

Thanks for still reading, most likely via Google Reader.

Cranial Nerve X

POP QUIZ: Where is Hannah?

A). She was kidnapped by aliens.

B.) She fell off her bike and broke all fingers and can't type with her tongue.

C.) She is stuck in the middle of finals week and can't wait until next Thursday when she will have a glorious 10 days off from the endurance sprint that is known as PA school.

If you guess correctly, you can help yourself to a cookie from the jar of will it never end.

Here are some photos from the trip to Fossil Creek I took a couple of weekends ago when I pretended like I didn't have studying to do. We camped in hammocks by the river and it was glorious.