Friday, July 11, 2008

Goals for the Extreme Heat Coon Bluff

Top 10 goals for my "adventure race" tomorrow.


1. Not die.
2. Avoid accidentally drinking the water in the Salt River like last year, which subsequently forced it's way out of my body in the dreaded form of Montezuma's Revenge.
3. Look really really scary and competitive before the race begins so as to scare the other teams. This can be accomplished by various yelling exercises and crazy warm-up drills, possibly tackle practice.
4. Get three different compliments on my bionic knee brace. Enumerate to said complimenters about how the brace actually makes me better than human. I would not be able to try out for the adventure racing Olympics with this puppy.
5. There is no crying in adventure racing. That's is what I learned during Primal Quest.
6. Navigate the hell out of this course in order to remain competitive without the ability to run persay. Running is for people who suck at navigation right? Wait, what if I suck at both? Something to be pondered...
7. Get a good enough workout in that I have earned a huge breakfast of eggs, bacon, potatoes and grease. This is to be stage two of the adventure race. This stage is by far the most important of the stages. In the words of rugby, if you can't win the game, win the party.
8. Beat a team. Maybe more than one, but if nothing else, I want to beat the team that thought this was adventure bingo when they boarded the bus from the old folks home and got confused. That or the team of 5 year olds who can run all day, but haven't learned to read yet.
9. Have fun... the kind only pain and suffering can bring. Laugh once every 30 minutes. This may be accomplished by falling down dramatically or running into a tree.
10. Really really not freaking die. Vomitting is okay, cessation of heartbeat is not.

Sweet. Just making this list makes me realize that I can totally accomplish my goals if I put my mind and my mouth to it. Team ODP is back in business..whoop whoop!

Not afraid of me? Well, you should be...here I beat on my wimpy younger sister.

4 comments:

Bill said...

Funny. Good luck with all that, especially not dying.

Martin Dimitrov said...

Haha, that was a very funny post :)

DEANNA STOPPLER said...

You go girl! Did you really do the Primal Quest?

la chaser said...

Hah...uh no I did not compete in the PQ. I did however follow it avidly and there was this awesome clip (which I cannot find now) where this girl was sort of sobbing as she got pulled out of the raging water in the paddleboarding section and when they asked her is she was okay, she sobbed "yes, there is no crying in adventure racing".

Classic moment.