Thursday, July 3, 2008

RIght here, right now...brain is spweing.

I just wrote a big sob story about how I am stressed because of school, my knee, lack of time, etc. But then I deleted it because it made me sick. Whining doesn't accomplish anything. I do have a lot of emotions swirling lately, and have had to come to certains realizations recently.

With my current schedule, I just have to understand that my knee rehab is not going to be accelerated. I can't make the progress I want without 2 hours a day 5 days a week of dedicated gym centric exercises. And I don't have time for that. I can barely get a workout in, and when I do, I just want to do something that is going to release stress: mountain biking, hiking or even my pathetic attempts at running. Basically I want it to be outside and not feel like a workout.

I did this knowingly when I dedicated this year into getting into PA school. I have a bunch of competitive desires floating around in my heart, but they are going to have to wait. This is not the year I win an AR or really start to race mountain bikes. Maybe next year... but this year is about getting into school and getting my knee slowly back into where it needs to be.

On another topic, I have very mixed feelings about whether I will get accepted to school and if I was a betting woman, I would bet on not. I just don't have the medical field experience that 90% of my peers will have. I know that I would be a damn good PA. But getting your black and white application selected for one of 200 interviews out of 1200 applications is going to be tough. But I will deal with whatever happens when it isn't about what you are dealt, it's about how you deal with it.

It may seem that I am having a down day, but I am actually not. I am calm and reflectively thinking about realities. I am nothing if not realistic, always have been. I am actually pretty excited because in about 3 hours, we are leaving for a three day trip to the mountains to camp by a lake, play on bikes, kayak, and do a little canyoneering. I may do a little lakeside anatomy homework/study, but I am pretty caught up at the moment so it shouldn't be that bad.

The bottom line is that my life is perfect for me. The things that matter are awesome and I know that. I can't think of anything I would really wish to change, other than winning the lottery..hahaha. I wouldn't mind dropping that 8-5 obligation that I have, but hey, it makes me a smarter, stronger person every day. It is a tough environment where I have learned my strengths, learned to stick up for myself, and learned to be as efficient as possible. Plus all the PhDs I work with use big words and explain weird things like how mirrors work at lunchtime.

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