Friday, August 8, 2008

Phoenix Landscape Gone Awry

I had previously discussed my brown thumb, or what I like to call "the fact that I can kill even cactus" in my yard. I don't like showing off such startling evidence of my failures, but in the spirit of self analysis and authenticity, I give you Phoenix Landscape Gone Awry: A Photographic Word Essay.

Fighter. This palm-like bush/tree/plant is the epitomy of a fighter. She has survived many weeks during the summer when guardians just disappeared and left her to fend for herself without the nourishment of water, shade or other essentials of life. Like a single mother of five living in the trailer park, she is showing her wear and tear, but as proven many times, this one although not attractive in any sense, won't go down without a fight and may be my favorite of the lot.

Sacrifice. While this previously green but now mostly brown plant seems at first to be weak and dying no matter how often I water her, she really epitomizes the spirit of the ultimate sacrifice. Because if you look closely, she has give her life to nourish the most remarkable and rare of living creatures: the common weed. Us Phoenicians know that we really don't get weeds without a tumble in front of them. This plant died in order to provide much needed shade for its weaker friend the weed, while not consuming precious water resources. Her efforts haven't gone unnoticed.

Dry. Tres Amigos here represent the cactus side of my arsenal. One figures, one can't kill a cactus, even if one doesn't water it right? So they purchase said cactus, only to immediately start to kill it. The succulent on the far left is the youngest child but alas it is already getting brown along all its edges. It's friend in the back is really my crowning joy as he has maintained his healthy cactus persona for over a year now. Shorty in the front has been dead almost as long as that, but his brown fluffy arms have yet to crumble and I think he looks nice even if he is dead. So he gets to stay to memorialize all that have gone before him.

Beauty. This bouquet of flowers adorning my side yard tea table seem to be the embodiment of fall beauty...and they are. They have stayed remarkably fresh and never changed color, shape or texture for over 6 months now. They seem almost everlasting. Unless the plastic die runs or melts under the hot summer sun, they may actually be invincible.

Hidden Evil. This apparition of pink and green is like a wolf in sheep clothing. While maintaining its place as my most impressive growing creation, the bouganbilia bush's outer shell hides an evil and hateful heart. I have bled the blood of a thousand tears while maintaining this beast of a bush. He has thorns 3/4 of an inch long, can easily die in the slightest amount of cold weather and will require hours of cutting to trim off his dead branches only to reemerge healthier and with longer thorns than ever. He has also single handedly, broken our front yard sprinkler system creating a geyser of water which took hours and many holes to fix. But alas, no one can kill him and he does provide us a measure of privacy as he quickly grows as tall as the house. He is the incredibly good looking but annoying hottie who would be much better if he didn't talk, but serves as really good arm candy for class reunions.

1 comment:

Keith said...

You've had a number of good posts. This might be tops in terms of pure entertainment value. Nice job.